Ari's Ramblings

Thank you whoever invented daily specials.

I’ve been in a solid relationship for so long my bachelor instincts are all but gone. Don’t get me wrong. I’m still a virile young buck; I’ll catcall women until my throat is hoarse and bloody. I just don’t really remember all those simple 30 second microwave recipes I used to survive on. These days if my girlfriend is away I just stare at my pantry and fridge and wonder what madman invented so many close-to-but-not edible products. If I luck out there’s some quick to cook meat and I just have to add some vegetables to it. Barring that I have to venture out into the world to get something to eat. That always sets of a string of choices that really boil down to a simple one. “What do I want to eat?” Given the opportunity to have anything puts me in an infinite loop of sorts.

1. Decide on something.

2. Try to remember if I actually like it.

3. Convince myself there’s a nearby place as a backup, if being near choice 1 reminds me I hate it.

4. Why not go to the backup since I like that place more anyway.

5. GOTO 2

This is where daily specials save me from becoming a starving idiot. The daily special instantly tells me what to eat because it’s a good deal. Who doesn’t love a good deal? The best is rotating daily specials. My neighborhood VONS always has some deli special on Fridays. That actually gives me variety with a decision. Moral of the story, whoever invented the daily specials took care of a stupidly important decision for me forever. Thanks man, Internet brofist.

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