I’ve been in a solid relationship for so long my bachelor instincts are all but gone. Don’t get me wrong. I’m still a virile young buck; I’ll catcall women until my throat is hoarse and bloody. I just don’t really remember all those simple 30 second microwave recipes I used to survive on. These days if my girlfriend is away I just stare at my pantry and fridge and wonder what madman invented so many close-to-but-not edible products.